Will you blow on my dice?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
