Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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