I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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