Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
