i just google imaged poop.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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