im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
3pm strippers are depressing
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
