That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need water and some morals
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
