The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
