Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
