How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
