Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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