How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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