Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
