Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
