so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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