I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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