so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
