Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
