my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
