And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
