Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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