So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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