I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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