I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
