i don't like sucking hair
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
