The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
