i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
