.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
