i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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