I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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