The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
