I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
