i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
