Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
