I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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