I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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