420 ftw
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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