i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
