You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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