I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
