Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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