i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
