Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I smell like Dick and happiness
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
