What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
