my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
