whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
