It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
