there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
