I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
