apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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