Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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