were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
