im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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