I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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