i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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